


kiss me on the mouth (and set me free)

by shadowkissed



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: 4th Generation It Boy, Alternate Universe - Idols, Choi Soobin Is Bad At Feelings, Exes, M/M, Misunderstanding, Soloist Yeonjun, Some scenes derived from canon moments, TXT but without Yeonjun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:37:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24700147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowkissed/pseuds/shadowkissed
Summary: in which yeonjun and soobin were ex-boyfriends who ended up debuting in different circumstances. now that they are paired up together for a project, soobin finds himself on the receiving end of yeonjun's excessive flirting in front of the camera
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 15
Kudos: 272





	kiss me on the mouth (and set me free)

“is that really you, choi soobin?”

the owner of the names stayed frozen in his spot at the call of his name, recognizing the nasal voice without having to lift his head up. he’s only forced to do it when his manager’s sharp elbow dug into his side, making him hiss and hop off the couch to make a bow at the senior.

“hello, my name is soobin from tomorrow by together. i’m grateful for the opportunity!” he said like a clockwork. the words falling off his lips naturally, practiced so many times for this kind of situation.

he’s the leader of his team. he got this.

or so he thought.

as he felt a touch of gentle fingers on his chin, coaxing him to look up from looking onto his feet, his chest constricted. looking at the blonde man himself, the pang of pain familiar from the past infiltrated his system again. it was threatening to make him bleed from the insides with the unforgotten unhealed wounds that were prone to open up.

it’s the same yeonjun. the male who’s looking at him with playfulness glittering inside those feline eyes. it’s the same yeonjun as the one he knew for a long time, years ago.

“don’t be so uptight with me, soobin-ah. we’ll work well together, don’t you think?” he smiled, cocking his head to a side. “the songs really turned out great.”

“it’s because of you, sunbaenim,” he mumbled, turning his head to lean away from the touch of yeonjun’s fingers that still lingered under his chin.

the blonde laughed gleefully. “you can go back to calling me hyung, soobin-ah.”

it’s something simple, but it sounded like a hilarious idea for soobin. how the male acted like the past three years never happened. how he acted like he didn’t ruin the nickname for soobin. how he was probably clueless that whenever soobin called out _hyung_ to the blank air, every time he was awoken from a bad dream, he wished that the elder would be there to reach out for him and pull him back into the comfort of home.

home was not something they shared anymore, and soobin had learned to live with that.

“yeonjun-ssi, soobin-ssi, it’s time for the meeting.”

that’s when soobin could breathe again, putting back on his professional mask as he dipped his head in another bow towards the elder before he grabbed his bag and walked to the staff who called them.

the songs had been recorded already by the time they had their ‘first’ official meeting, so there wasn’t much to do anymore other than the preparations for the promotion. it was a shame for soobin to admit that he hadn’t listened to the complete track which combined his and yeonjun’s voices, as they recorded separately between their busy schedules. that’s why it only felt more real now that they were meeting like this.

“two months of the preparation including the mv recording and photoshoots for albums, and then four weeks of promotional period,” announced one of the staff at the end of the meeting. “plus the living arrangement. it would be nice if soobin-ssi can move in with yeonjun-ssi over this timeline, since the choreography lessons and meetings will mainly be done in justlight ent. building.”

it would be fine, really, if it wasn’t for the fact that his partner would be yeonjun. so for the first time since he entered the room, soobin spoke up against the arrangement.

“i’m sorry, i think it will be a little complicated since i still have some schedules to be done with my original group. plus vocal and choreography lessons unrelated to this project,” he said, his voice losing confidence the more he talked as he could feel yeonjun’s sharp eyes on him.

he’s just lucky that his manager backed him up. “that’s a good point. how about just during the promotional period later on?”

they started discussing again while soobin glared a hole into his schedule sheet, worrying his lip between his teeth.

he’s a professional. he can do this. take one for the team.

he assured himself over and over again throughout the meeting, yet once it was wrapped up and yeonjun found his way back to talk with him again, he could feel the foreboding air starting to weigh him down.

“let’s work hard starting from today, okay, soobinnie?”

yeonjun smiled at him, and he was going to catch on fire already.

so, he looked away.

“okay, sunbaenim.”

==

the first time they met, it was at the bighit’s studio. the place was packed by trainees, but soobin could only see that one boy surrounded by his peers, supported unconditionally because his debut was pretty much confirmed. bighit’s legendary trainee, that’s what he was.

meanwhile, soobin was only one of the trainees who’s trying so hard to score the place next to the guy.

and when he did make it into the debut team, everything changed.

it started from the pat on his shoulder, and a cheeky smile that he would never forget. _“congrats, soobin-ah!”_ , and then followed by a lot of late-night extra practices which always ended with them sprawled across the trainee studio. before they knew it, there was nothing such as competition anymore. the debut team was pretty much confirmed with how well the five of them dominated the top spots of the monthly evaluation, and yeonjun started looking at his direction more often.

soobin thought that he liked it when the hyung would call his name and played with his cheek, and when he would give him the last dumpling from their plate just because _“you’re still growing, soobinnie! eat more!”_

then he realized that he might just like yeonjun a lot.

the realization came as they were walking back from getting some coffee from a 24/7 store down the street, and then suddenly yeonjun was kissing him under a flickering street lamp. the last words tumbling off his lips were:

_“stop growing already, it’d be harder for me to do this if you get taller.”_

and then, as he pulled away, dazed from the innocent kiss they shared and the taste of mocha from soobin’s lips, he followed up with:

_“that’s it. i’m claiming you as my boyfriend from now on. it’s day 1!”_

yeonjun, that spoiled hyung, was always the one who called the shot. it wasn’t like soobin would mind, since it was harder for him to express his feelings, and only as yeonjun kissed him right there that he realized how badly he had been waiting for that to happen. that every time he yeonjun showed off the evaluation result to him with his name sitting at the top, soobin wanted nothing more than to kiss his smile.

it’s only different when yeonjun called the shot for the end of their relationship too, alongside of the end of his stay in bighit.

it shouldn’t hurt this much. relationships as high schoolers were bound to end in break-ups. soobin was realistic enough to understand that. besides, it hadn’t even been six months since they started dating. it shouldn’t hurt.

it shouldn’t hurt so much when yeonjun stared impassively at him, holding a hand against his chest just as he was going to go for a kiss. _“let’s not do this anymore, soobin-ah,”_ came over him like a death sentence, tearing a gaping wound across his heart. and he regretted asking why, because the answer to it only tore the last part of his heart that beat for yeonjun.

 _“i don’t want you anymore._ ”

the news about yeonjun leaving the company came the very next day, and soobin really had no tears left to shed at this point, taking it blankly while everyone else was swarming the elder with questions.

only this time, he reached out for yeonjun’s hand, just as he was about to exit the training room that day. all his belongings were packed in his gym bag, leaving an empty spot on the corner of the room that the five of them occupied with their stuff.

“are you going to ask why?” he asked, a sad smile plastered over his lips.

soobin wanted to wipe that smile from his lips with a kiss, just like how he always did it whenever yeonjun received a call from his parents that made him sad, or when the elder waddled over to him with a pout after receiving a less-than-perfect evaluation. he did nothing but holding onto yeonjun’s hand and looking down on the floor.

_please don’t leave._

_i don’t mind being dumped as long as you’re still here._

_how am i going to be okay without you?_

_please. stay._

“i hope you’re happy, yeonjun hyung.”

the elder smiled, a genuine one this time, as he ruffled soobin’s hair. it was the smile that haunted his dreams, reminding him of the hollowness in his chest every time he woke up in his lonely bed. it was the last smile yeonjun had ever given him before he left.

sometimes soobin regretted letting go of the hand.

==

the preparation period went by quickly with how packed their schedules were. soobin was thankful, for he barely had enough time to breathe, let alone think about yeonjun in the way he shouldn’t. they were strictly in business relationship now. an art making business. the least he could do is making it perfect in order to bring his team’s name to the public.

choi yeonjun debuted as a solo idol two months after moving company. he built a name of himself slowly, and then hit big after making his second comeback. by the time he started receiving awards, the debut for tomorrow by together was just announced.

soobin didn’t pay much attention to the releases and news from the elder, but he knew that choi yeonjun shines even brighter now.

the decision for a collaboration project between the two came from the higher ups of their companies. an attempt to bring tomorrow by together’s name to a wider public, now that they were in their second year. that’s why soobin couldn’t express his displeasure over it.

he just had to endure it. the ache he felt every time they practiced together in the dance studio. the sound of their shoes squeaking against the glossy floor reminding him too much of what they used to do as trainees. the stolen glances yeonjun gave through the mirror. everything about this project reminded him of what they were, and what they could have been.

but there was no yeonjun in his team anymore, nor his life. he couldn’t embrace the imaginary picture where there was still a hope for him to reach out to the soloist, with the big chasm separating them.

that’s also why he couldn’t let yeonjun reach out to him once again.

“do you want to get something to eat, soobin-ah?” he said at the end of practice, a day before they had to shoot their music video. “it’s going to get busier after this, so we might never get the chance.”

soobin was familiar enough with this smile, knew that the elder would just drag him to the ice cream store where he would order a big tub of ice cream with mostly mint chocolate. it would end up with soobin complaining throughout their little date as he tried to separate the blue dessert from the normal ones.

and that’s when he realized that he was not ready for it.

“sorry, hyung. i have another schedule with the kids after this.”

as he left with his manager to his next ‘schedule’ that wouldn’t even start in another two hours, he came into a realisation that he only felt pain because he never really let himself get over yeonjun. he’s still not over their break-up, and it made him feel like the most pathetic being in this world.

it’s just funny. how the moving-on part lasted longer than the dating itself.

you would think it would be easier to move on from someone if it hadn’t been so long, until you experienced an abrupt end to a relationship where you were still at the highest peak and then got dropped to rock bottom.

soobin was still crawling on the rock bottom, trying to find his way out. yeonjun took away all the means to climb up when he left.

==

the collaboration project received an enthusiastic reaction from the fans of both groups. even some casual listeners checked them out, interested in the dark concept they were going with.

it was a new thing for soobin, since their team mostly went with lighter themed song with major keys and completely different concepts than this one. he couldn’t imagine the other boys trying out these tight leather pants and sheer clothing that exposed unnecessary sliver of skin. for this reason, he was thankful that he took the project instead of demanding someone else from the team to replace his position.

“is this really the soobin we know? i can’t believe the first time you’re showing this side of you is when you’re with me.”

yeonjun’s voice came closer as he was saying that, followed by a trace of hand sliding along the small of his back, right atop the sheer part of his outfit. the touch made him flinch, almost dropping the can of sparkling water he was taking from the snack bar.

“yeonjun-ssi…”

“what did i tell you?” the elder said under his breath, a smile masking the underlying threat in his tone.

that’s when he noticed the camera pointing at them. of course their every move would be filmed. it’s d-day of the promotion that started with a showcase. they would release this footage to show the fans some episodes of what’s happening behind the scene. how much chemistry the two of them had.

so he just had to do a good job.

“ah, hyung. you can just praise me if you want to, don’t be shy,” he said with a smug smile, a perfect façade as it was the usual persona he had with his group. the confident soobin who always knows that he looked good.

it was a mistake, as he started fidgeting under yeonjun’s scrutinizing stare scanning him from head to toe.

“maybe you can show some expressions that would suit the concept? you’re looking way too cute for this.”

soobin gave him a look, but decided to just play along since the noona behind the camera seemed to like the content. he lifted his free hand to cover his face at first, swallowing back his awkward smile and gave the camera an intense look, completed with the lip bite and a finger gun.

when he turned his gaze back to yeonjun, his face was contorted in utmost displeasure and disappointment, one so playful that it sent soobin into a fit of shy laughter. his head tipping back as he pushed the hyung by his shoulder.

“ah… seriously. give a better reaction!”

“nope, this one is definitely better. i’m going to pretend i didn’t see the previous one. so cute,” yeonjun said as he took his face into his hands, pinching and toying with his cheeks as he cooed at the younger. “soobin is so cute, hm?”

that’s when his laughter died down. his face was threatening to explode from all the heat that went to his cheeks.

thankfully, that was when his members started pouring into the room, yelling their entrance as always. he pried himself away from yeonjun just in time to see taehyun eyeing them with an eyebrow arched.

but he didn’t say much, just coming over to them and letting soobin smother him in a hug and a series of complaints on how they took way too long to arrive.

it didn’t stop there.

yeonjun is an idol through and through, soobin was aware of that. he just didn’t think that he would ever be in the receiving end of this after their failed debut.

even in the first few minutes of them pre-recording their showcase, yeonjun was already doing countless of things that were way too touchy. it ranged from casually throwing his arm around soobin’s shoulder to nuzzling into the side of his face, or even acted like he was going for a bite to his ear.

and. just. whenever he turned around, there would be the pair of feline eyes watching him.

this time, they were just sitting on the stage, waiting for a second recording while the staff were preparing the props. after a stolen glance (that he regretted), he felt yeonjun inching closer to him. he kept doing this whenever he’s bored.

“were you looking at me, soobinnie?”

“nope.”

“you wanted to praise me, right? missed me already?”

“no…”

“you wanna play with hyung?”

when soobin lifted his gaze, his breath was stuck in his throat.

yeonjun was so _so_ close. his forehead was rested against soobin’s, the familiar move from whenever the hyung wanted to steal his attention from his phone. he just had to lean in for a quick peck, and yeonjun wouldn’t be able to pull away in time to avoid it.

but he didn’t. his eyes were cast down on his own fingers fidgeting on his lap.

eventually, yeonjun grew bored at the lack of reaction and pulled away to do anything else that would occupy him for the rest of their waiting time.

that’s choi yeonjun and his loath towards idleness. soobin was often the victim of that. just like how he was used to fill yeonjun’s boring trainee day, before he got the opportunity to leave the company for good. just like that time, yeonjun was always going to come and leave whenever he pleased.

soobin just had to act like his heart didn’t jump from having him so close to touch.

and then there would be time where it’s harder for soobin to control the way he reacted. all those natural flirtings during interviews and shootings for variety shows; the random praises thrown at him, mixing with the affectionate words he’d send to their fans. at times like this, soobin would think that yeonjun’s really good at it.

he just wished that he wasn’t constantly on the receiving end.

(“you think racoon is cute?”

yeonjun interrupted him one time during the random interview question about their favourite animal, and like a fool, soobin excitedly turned to tell him everything about this animal, until he caught the mischief in the hyung’s eyes as he was interrupted.

“yes, see, they are—“

“you are cuter!”

“ah… what is this…”)

(“everything about soobin is very soft! everyone would pay attention to his cheek, but trust me, his ears are better!” yeonjun replied with so much enthusiasm when there was a question about each other’s favourite body part.

while soobin was still thinking of something to pick from the elder, he felt his ear was trapped between toying fingers, squeezed gently.

“sometimes i even bite it!”

“that’s cause you’ve been treating me like a piece of meat lately.”

yeonjun just smiled at him, nudging his side with that flirty smile of his plastered over his lips. “but you know that meat is my favourite, right? so technically you’re my favourite.”)

(“choi soobin, might as well go on a date with me!”)

(“let’s have fun, and kiss!”

this time, it was accompanied by his hands grabbing the sides of soobin’s faces, acting like he was going for his lips, only to roll over the floor in laughter as soobin shoved him by the chest. that’s the only reason why yeonjun was so confident doing it, because he knew that he would get pushed away.)

the next time yeonjun attempted to do his playful kiss for the nth time already during this short promotional duration, soobin didn’t pull away. he was just fed up, watching yeonjun’s cocky smile that came from the accomplishment of providing the best fanservice to the fans who actually liked how they look together.

“right soobinie, right?”

he didn’t even know what yeonjun was asking, but the blonde was making that kind of annoying teasing face again, just typical enough for him to know what he was going to do. when yeonjun leaned in to bring his face closer, forehead thudding gently against his own, soobin stared right into his eyes.

they stayed locked for a second too long, just before soobin leaned in quickly.

it went by too fast; he couldn’t even feel whether they lips touched or not, but yeonjun was sputtering laughter as he leaned back on his seat, his hand brushing over his lips. soobin threw a smug look at him before going back to smiling at the camera.

it was to be expected. they were not going to kiss on a national broadcast, that’s going over the line of fanservice already. it’s not like he wanted to kiss choi yeonjun anyway.

_right?_

==

even away from cameras, they were still kept together, having to sleep under the same roof so it would be easier for the protocol team to get them to schedules.

up to the third weeks, they managed to keep from each other’s hair. soobin took the spare room where yeonjun’s manager used to sleep on, never leaving the room once he got in there so he woudn’t have to see the owner of the dorm outside of schedules.

then it happened. the night of the storm, where all the lights suddenly went out. soobin was awoken from his light slumber by a tug on his blanket, which almost made him jump to the ceiling. as his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he saw yeonjun on the feet of his bed, clad in his pajamas. his hands were clutching onto his pillows.

“i’m sorry… i’m really sorry for this… but can i…”

soobin was still dazed from sleep, he didn’t think much. the disarray of wordings wasn’t really helping either. before he knew it, he was already scooting to the other end of the bed, lifting up his blanket so the elder could crawl inside.

this was something from the past that not many people knew about: just how much yeonjun despises darkness. when they used to sleep in the same room together as five, yeonjun would always have a small night lamp sitting by his side of the bed. the room was never in a total darkness because of the small pulsing light from yeonjun’s duck shaped night lamp.

“i’m sorry,” yeonjun apologized again once he was settled comfortably by his side, uncharacteristically apologetic about invading soobin’s space unlike how he was during broadcast. “it will take time until they turn on the generator.”

more awake now, soobin could feel how the latter was still anxious. could feel him squirming under the sheet, while still doing his best to keep a safe distance away to not bother him too much. with a sigh, he pulled yeonjun closer, wrapping the blanket properly around his frame. he didn’t react unfavourably as he felt the elder leaning his head against his chest, just gently tap onto the top of his head with his chin.

“how did you manage a situation like this without anyone else in this place?” he wondered.

yeonjun took in a shaky breath at first, sounding like he was in pain when he answered. “i just close my eyes and count?”

“damn.”

“it’s been lonely, soobin-ah.”

he ignored that part, letting the mix of their slow breathing lull him to sleep. yeonjun was gone the next time he opened his eyes again.

at least because of the confession, he could assume that yeonjun was doing this just because of his suppressed urge for human contacts. after all, they trained together for a long time. with those teamwork building activities and hangouts, it wouldn’t be a surprise that even yeonjun would miss some noises in his life.

and it would be his fault too, that soobin felt bad about it enough to give in.

he started loosening up around the hyung, not rejecting the elder’s attempt to eat together or talk during car rides to attend their schedules. it almost felt like the old days, except now they were more mature – no more trainees with sparks of innocence in their eyes, waiting for their turn to be picked to show their talents.

even during their freer days (saturdays, no broadcast on saturdays), soobin stopped leaving their temporarily shared dorm to return to his own. he almost laughed out loud seeing yeonjun choke on a mouthful of his cereals upon seeing him walking out of his bedroom that morning.

“you have someone else with you in the house and you didn’t know? what if i were a thief?”

“in my defense, it takes me at least two hours to be fully awake,” yeonjun grumbled, watching as soobin rummaged through his fridge. despite his words, his eyes sure widened so much when he spotted an orange in the boy’s hand. “yah, you’re really a thief!”

puzzled, soobin held the tangerine towards him. “it’s the last one.”

“that’s why i was saving it for me!”

after their minute long of eye contact was broken, they were suddenly engaged in a chase throughout the apartment room. though it was more of a one-sided fight, considering how competitive yeonjun was even just for something so trivial as tangerine.

mildly, soobin thought that he was being chased by a beast over a fruit. until he somehow ended up being locked outside in the balcony, having to plead his way in through his shortness of breath.

yeonjun’s victory smile should be something laughable because why was the hyung so proud about winning a fruit from him? but soobin felt a wave of fondness as well. a familiarity from the past, and this time it didn’t hurt.

(they ended up sharing the tangerine.)

even under people’s eyes, it started to get easier to face the elder. yeonjun was still eager about doing the fanservice, but he also got more comfortable in bothering soobin even when the camera wasn’t rolling. weirdly enough, soobin didn’t mind about it.

“soobinnie, do i have crumbs on my face?”

instead of telling him about the mess he spotted around yeonjun’s lips, he reached out to cup his cheeks instead, brushing the crumbs away with his thumbs. his eyes were fixed on the area as he dabbed carefully, not wanting to be scolded by their stylist for ruining the makeup.

“jeez, hyung, what are you? five?” he complained.

not taking offense at all, yeonjun smiled at him when he looked up. “you’re calling me hyung again so naturally huh? also, soobinnie is always taking care of me well!”

there he go again with his smile. soobin tried not to look at it for too long, prying his gaze away instantly and going for the snacks next to the elder.

“i’m just taking these for hueningie,” he said, dropping the whole affectionate act as if it was never supposed to happen.

he felt yeonjun’s gaze on his back as he walked towards where his group mate sat in the waiting room. they always came at the end of every weekend just so they could shoot a livestream together at the end, reminding everyone that soobin was tomorrow by together’s first before he was anyone else’s.

before he was yeonjun’s.

in the end, he would be back to his team. yeonjun forgotten in the background. that’s the price of the decision he took back when he left the team.

“wow, suddenly?” kai perked up when he dropped the snacks on his lap, turning his attention from the waiting room’s tv to him finally.

“you only love me because of the snacks, huh?” he exhaled a pained gasp, balling his fist to fake a punch on the younger’s chest.

“well, not really. these are from yeonjunie hyung anyway, right—“the maknae suddenly shut his lips, realization filling his face.

that’s the thing about dating and breaking up when you were in a same circle of friend. even if you didn’t have a bad breakup, the friends would be caught in the middle of the conflict, making it awkward for everyone to address either of their name’s to each other.

it’s even worse for soobin’s case, since the other members had witnessed him spiralling down after yeonjun left. they had seen him at the lowest point thanks to that. but he found out then that he could lean on them to make him feel good again.

one of the countless random ways was to not mention yeonjun’s name ever again.

which must be difficult for them, seeing how the kids absolutely adored yeonjun, and still were close to the guy. it pained him every time he entered the room to see beomgyu pausing the mv he’s watching, right on the full close up shot of yeonjun’s face in his mv. he would panic and throw his phone aside. or when taehyun would abruptly end a phone call, which only alerted soobin about the identity of the person on the other line.

it also made him realize that he was the only one who hadn’t moved on. all the members were hurt the same day, cried the same tears, yet he was still stuck in the past with his resentment.

how pathetic.

==

it was not until the last week of promotion that soobin finally broke down.

because the more yeonjun smiled at him, paid attention to him, and tried to kiss him, the harder it was for soobin not to take it to heart.

yeonjun did it in front of the t:time camera this time. that’s just yeonjun and his craving to leave his mark everywhere.

just like that time at soobin’s 18th birthday that he kept a secret from the other members, when yeonjun dragged him upstairs into one of the recording rooms. back then those rooms were off-limits for them, as they were still trainees with no rights to these fancier studio. but there was yeonjun, first time soobin entered the room.

the darkness was illuminated by a single candle from a cupcake, and only once soobin blew it off that he registered just where they were. the fancy recording equipment greeting him from behind yeonjun, along with the recording area behind the glass. his eyes glazed as he took in the surrounding. it was all he ever wanted. including yeonjun.

_“now everytime we’re recording a song in the future, you will remember this day!”_

it was a sweet, dreamy statement that ended up being a curse for soobin. for he did remember yeonjun every time they had to record a song. how he would sit on the exact same couch as where the two celebrated his birthday, sharing kisses and whispered wishes about the future.

this was nothing close to the future they talked about.

he wondered how he recalled all that as he sat on this couch on their broadcast waiting room, with yeonjun hovering on him and pressing his forehead against his while soobin slowly backed away.

“pretty, right? tell me that my outfit is pretty,” he was at it again, fishing for praises while also providing fanservice contents. typical choi yeonjun and his golden boy quality.

he resisted the urge to scoff, staring impassively instead as the elder pushed him again. at least, that was the intention.

the reality: he did scoff, catching yeonjun off guard, but not enough to make him pull away. what made him do it was when soobin leaned in straight for his lips. yeonjun wasn’t quick enough when he pulled away, and he stumbled back when he did, his hand over his mouth as his eyes threw him an incredulous, panicked look.

soobin could feel it as he caught yeonjun’s lower lip between his own, knew that it was the reason why yeonjun looked so scandalized. and knew just what it implied.

after all, when yeonjun leaned in for a kiss, he didn’t actually mean it. it was all for the public’s eyes, just to show how close they were. when yeonjun leaned in for a kiss, it was not with the fond eyes full of adoration anymore. soobin should really stop wishing for that yeonjun to come back.

so, he put on a mischievous smile instead in return to yeonjun’s stare, turning to the camera with a softer smile. “noona, can you erase this footage? people might get a wrong idea.”

“ah, right. don’t worry, soobin-ssi.”

he ignored yeonjun’s eyes following him as he left the room.

there were only so many times he could ignore the stare by those feline eyes.

in the choreography of the title track they were promoting, there was this part near the ending where yeonjun would look into his eyes as he sang. it became the favourite part of a lot of fans, as well as soobin’s least favourite one at once. most of time, he avoided the intense stare, but tonight, on the last stage of the music show promotion, he accidentally caught yeonjun’s gaze.

he instantly wondered if this was the way yeonjun had been staring at him the whole time. he couldn’t catch it from the monitor, but as he experienced it in person, he could see the mix of longing and sadness swimming in the pair of eyes, mixing with the passion yeonjun always carried with him to the stage.

it made his heart ache with the urge to reach out for the elder.

and reach out he did.

because as soon as they came off stage and freed of all their stage equipment, soobin found himself cornering the male against the door of an empty dressing room. it was dark, but it wasn’t a problem since they were not looking at each other.

their lips were locked into a desperate kiss. it was far from soft; filled with a longing so profound it started choking him. yeonjun’s arms around him were the only one grounding him to reality, and even as their lips were not locked in the kiss anymore, he was being pulled into a protective hold.

a shaky breath left him first before it was followed by something that sounded like a pathetic plea.

“why did you leave? why did you have to be so mean?”

yeonjun stiffened at the question. the warmth of his arms started to dissipate, and soobin wondered if it was just a leftover passion from their emotional song. it was a pretty sad song, after all. maybe soobin had imagined it, the look in yeonjun’s eyes.

maybe he had been a fool once again.

“soobin-ah,” yeonjun said, cupping his cheek. his lips parted as if he wanted to say something, but nothing ever came out.

“i misread the signs again, huh?” he laughed, tipping his head back as he ran his fingers through his hair. “i’m sorry, hyung. i guess you just need someone to fill your lonely days again. now that the project ended and you don’t need me anymore, we’re back to a square one?”

“it’s not like that, you idiot. i adore you so much, it’s just that…”

“stop it, yeonjun. it’s not like we’re going to see each other anymore after this.”

it came out colder than soobin intended to, and he could see how the elder flinch from the change of tone. as he reached out for the lock of the door, yeonjun was the one who snapped this time, shoving him on the chest to take a step back.

“you didn’t even stop me when i was leaving, and now you’re acting like it hurt you so bad?”

soobin stumbled back, and it was not even because of the shove anymore. “what—“

“you didn’t stop me when i wanted a break up, you didn’t stop me when i wanted to leave the group. clearly i didn’t mean so much to you, right?” yeonjun slapped his hand over the light switch, and as the room brightened, soobin could see the anger in yeonjun’s eyes. as if he had the right. “and then you acted like you were hurt so much. you made everyone think of you like some whipped, heartbroken loverboy for so long, and i’ve always been the bad guy.”

“what? so it’s my fault now that i got hurt for being dumped like that?”

yeonjun barked a laugh. “seriously, soobin? when we started dating, it was because of _me_ deciding it, and you didn’t even initiate anything. throughout our relationship, never once did you tell me that you loved me. and even when i wanted a breakup, you just sat there and took it like you’ve been waiting for it. how am i supposed to take it?”

now it was getting more ridiculous, to the point that he didn’t know whether he should cry or laugh. this could be something that he found out and fixed a couple years ago. if he had a clue that yeonjun was feeling this way instead of just leaving him for ‘not wanting him anymore’, maybe he wouldn’t be hurt so badly.

in the end, everything was his fault.

his hand trembled as he lifted it up to brush through his hair. the messy strands curtaining his view of yeonjun.

“so what? you were going to stay if i had stopped you then? like i worth that much to you? you didn’t even tell me—“

“actually? yes. if i had something worth staying for back then, everything would’ve been different.”

with that yeonjun left the room, and soobin had never felt so alone in his life. not even when he got dumped back then, or when he had to stay at the dorm alone when the other members went home.

all these years of heart ache thinking about yeonjun, and he could’ve changed that if only he would take initiative for once. even as the wave of pain came back to him, there was no sting of tears in his eyes. there were never tears shed for the hyung, only swarms of dark clouds entering his lungs, choking him, and settling in the pit of his stomach in a tight coil.

now he even started to question if he really wanted yeonjun to stay back then.

\--

that night, he didn’t come back to yeonjun’s apartment for his things. he went straight back to his dorm, quietly entering the place that felt so quiet and foreign after his stay in yeonjun’s place. as he entered his bedroom, he heard the familiar clicking of keyboards and tiny comments beomgyu shouted into his earphones.

it’s the familiarity of it all that made him comfortable again, enough to slide into the chair next to his roommate.

“yah. there better be something serious or i’ll punch your ass. i just lost this big game,” beomgyu said after five minutes of being the receiving end of soobin’s silent stare.

this was a thing of theirs, dropping their games whenever one of them needed to talk about something that bothered him. it drew a smile on soobin’s lips. another familiarity. he felt like home again.

“do you think i’m cold, beomgyu? now that i think of it, i never told you guys about how much you meant to me,” he asked later on, as they already moved to sit on the floor of their bedroom, with cans of soda in their hands.

beomgyu hummed thoughtfully. “kind of?” it almost made him choke. how honest of him. “for others, especially. it’s hard for you to express your feelings, so you used to write this little notes about what you’re thankful of—oh, all the members read those by the way, no need to hide them anymore. but eventually you stopped writing them and you became more vocal, it’s so nice to see.”

“i’m doing better now?”

“yeah. what’s with the question anyway?”

he kept silent for a while, choosing his words carefully as yeonjun’s voice echoed in the back of his mind. he tried to mute it by squeezing his eyes shut. “just thinking if everything would’ve been different if i was better at it back then.”

“if it doesn’t mean to be, it won’t happen.”

sometimes he hated how beomgyu could be so right about things in the most annoying way. it’s to the point that soobin had nothing else to say or regret about. even if he had done it differently back then, there was no guarantee that yeonjun would stay with them either.

_right?_

“if this was about yeonjun hyung, just know that you were not the only one who’s broken, hyung,” beomgyu only brought it up again later at night as the lights were already switched off and they were comfortable in their own beds. “you two just happened to fall in love as the worst versions of yourselves.”

soobin closed his eyes, not wanting to let the younger’s words affect his thoughts. not when he had spent years thinking that yeonjun coldly left him just because he had no feelings for him anymore. not when he just let it happen, thinking that there was no hope for them anymore.

after all, regret tasted more bitter than pain.

==

it was not until a few months later that they met again.

the construction of bighit entertainment’s new building had been completed. now it held more than just the two original groups under the label. soobin had forgotten that yeonjun’s new label was included in the equation until he caught a glimpse of the blonde again.

the day was a calm, happy one. he was walking with taehyun into the lobby after getting some drinks from a nearby convenience store. if only it wasn’t for taehyun’s arm linked around his own, he would have bolted for the elevator the moment yeonjun approached them. but no, he had to stay there, settling with a nod to the senior while the two shared some small talks.

when they were done and he was freed to go, yeonjun walked past him. their shoulders brushing together.

“listen to my cover.”

only once the two were inside the elevator that soobin registered just what was said to _him._

“was he talking to me?” he asked rather dumbly to the younger who stared at him impassively. “but why?”

“you’d know if you listened to his cover,” taehyun said simply.

it went over his head for the rest of the day as he was plunged into another routines of practice. after all, it was not unlike yeonjun to ask people to listen to his songs. he always did that as a trainee, telling everyone to listen to the practice audio he sent into the trainee group chat so he could get a feedback. choi yeonjun and his desire for spotlight and attention.

soobin just didn’t think his would matter that much.

at least until he locked himself in one of the studios, earphones plugged in, and the screen of his phone showing yeonjun’s official soundcloud page.

yeonjun’s a good singer, there’s no doubt after that. the lyrics only hit him on his second listen. they brought him back to that night on his 18th birthday; sneaking into a recording room and jotting down notes as if they were professionals.

 _“i’ll write a song for you someday! give me ideas,”_ the hyung announced out of the blue that night, leaving soobin dumbfounded, cheeks full of cake, until he was ushered again. _“just anything. your feeling, what you wish to remember in the future…”_

he couldn’t remember everything, but some familiar words brought back the fleeting spark of feelings he felt from that night. as if a single line of ‘the one who got away’ written on the ‘writer’ part of the credit didn’t give it away.

soobin was the one who got away.

_i want to remember your smile, the sparks in your eyes, and the way you dream_

_i want to walk your dream with you_

before he knew it, soobin was already out of the confinement of that silent room. his legs brought him out to the corridor, frantically searching through the different floors of the building. it was already late and he wasn’t even sure what he wanted to do.

but his heart knew, and he let it decide where his legs would take him.

_even when you grow to resent me_

_please don’t forget the feelings lingering in the air tonight_

most of the areas were locked and not many people were left in the building. soobin had given up by the time he made a round trip, ending up in the floor where the bighit artist lounge was. he held his knees, staring at the stagnant light coming from a vending machine before him. his loudly beating heart and harsh breathing couldn’t interrupt the sweet voice flowing into his ears.

if only he could just stay hating choi yeonjun.

_please find us again._

it would’ve been easier.

he wouldn’t be running in despair in the middle of the night with his sight blurred and chest constricted, as though he would pass out from the lack of oxygen anytime soon. he wouldn’t be feeling this devastated over something that could have happened. over what they could have been.

and he wouldn’t have released this relieved sob the moment he spotted the guy right in front of him, casually walking down the corridor from the direction of the studio where first started looking.

“soobin-ah?” yeonjun looked perplexed. “what are you doing here?”

they stared at each other for a long, silence moment. what broke him was the orange that fell onto the floor from yeonjun’s arm. it hit the floor along with the first drop of tear falling from soobin’s eyes.

years of moping over the break up without any tears, and he just had to _break_ right in front of the source of his problem.

the rest of the oranges found their way onto the floor as yeonjun panicked, frantically making his way to soobin and cupping his face in his hands. the younger mildly heard panicked questions from the idol, asking whether he was hurt or if something bad happened to him.

he ended up breaking into a watery laughter, holding onto yeonjun’s hand, and actually looked into yeonjun’s eyes for the first time in years.

“let’s find us again, yeonjun hyung.”

it painted a funny picture.

a couple of idols sitting on the floor of a dark corridor, peeling stolen oranges and drinking cheap canned coffees from the vending machine.

perhaps if soobin bothered to _actually_ listen to yeonjun talking whenever they spent time together back during their collaboration project, he would have known that yeonjun was almost an entirely different person now.

the trace of boyish mischief and neverending passion were still etched in his character, but this yeonjun stopped to listen to him when he started speaking. this yeonjun looked into his eyes as if he was the only person he could see in the room (he was, actually). and this yeonjun paid attention to his opinions.

soobin wished that he could be a new kind of soobin for this yeonjun, because he realized by the end of the night, as they walked out of the building through the exit door, that he had fallen for this yeonjun.

it’s not that he was still hanging onto a feeling from the past, since he still felt sad for losing that yeonjun hyung from trainee days whom he looked up to.

he just needed to move on.

(when they parted, it was not with. “from now on, let’s date again, soobin-ah!” from yeonjun, but a “do you want to hang out with me sometime? we can call it a date?” punctuated by a rather shy smile.

and soobin was the one who leaned in to press a kiss to yeonjun’s cheek, letting it linger, with a trace of hope palpable in the air between them when he pulled away.

a hope that the timing is right for them this time.)

**Author's Note:**

> the initial prompt is:  
> "yeonbin ex bfs au where they dated as trainees and they're both successful idols now. they end up in a collab project and during the promotion yeonjun keeps flirting with soob, masking it as fanservice. soob tries hard not to take it to heart bc he's still kinda in love with cyj"
> 
> so the story is fairly simple! anyway this is my first time writing yeonbin so i hope it turns out alright T__T feedback is appreciated! <3 
> 
> [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/soogyulvr)


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